Under someone's thumb
Idioms, Stage 4chunk 22 of 22Getting on with people
Deferring to someone with power over you: flattering, humouring, unable to push back.
- goma o surusuck up to, flatterliterally “grind sesame”
- kigen o toruhumour someone, keep them happyliterally “take (someone's) mood”
- atama ga agaranaiowe someone too much to stand up to themliterally “one's head won't go up”
- shiri ni shikarerube bossed around by your wifeliterally “be laid under (someone's) bottom like a cushion”
Mix-ups goma o suru (suck up for gain) vs kigen o toru (keep someone in a good mood); atama ga agaranai (can't stand up to them) vs shiri ni shikareru (bossed around by your wife).
goma o suru
polite goma o surimasu
“grind sesame”
suck up to, flatter
In English: butter someone up
Office and school talk about someone flattering the boss or teacher: buchou ni goma sutteru. The suru is 擂る (grind), so it's sutteru and surimasu, not shiteru or shimasu.
Noun: gomasuri (a suck-up).
ano hito, itsumo buchou ni goma sutteru yo ne.
He's always sucking up to the boss, isn't he?
あの人、いつも部長にごますってるよね。
ano hito, itsumo buchou ni goma suttemasu yo ne.
He's always sucking up to the boss, isn't he?
あの人、いつも部長にごますってますよね。
Written ごまをするHeard 33× in 3.17 million lines of film and TV subtitlesLearn alongside kigen o toruMain list -teru (Stage 1)
kigen o toru
polite kigen o torimasu
“take (someone's) mood”
humour someone, keep them happy
In English: keep someone sweet
Smoothing things over with a sulking partner, child or grumpy boss, often as gokigen o toru. It's about soothing a mood; goma o suru is flattery to curry favour.
Also gokigen o toru; noun gokigentori.
kanojo no kigen toru no, taihen na n da yo.
Keeping my girlfriend happy is hard work.
彼女の機嫌取るの、大変なんだよ。
kanojo no kigen o toru no, taihen na n desu yo.
Keeping my girlfriend happy is hard work.
彼女の機嫌を取るの、大変なんですよ。
Written 機嫌を取る · きげんをとるHeard 31× in 3.17 million lines of film and TV subtitlesLearn alongside goma o suruMain list toru (Stage 4)
atama ga agaranai
polite atama ga agarimasen
“one's head won't go up”
owe someone too much to stand up to them
About a wife, older sibling, mentor or boss who's done so much for you that you can never argue back: ane ni wa atama ga agaranai. Always negative and said with fond resignation; shiri ni shikareru is being bossed around without the gratitude.
ane ni wa atama ga agaranai n da yo.
I owe my sister too much to ever argue with her.
姉には頭が上がらないんだよ。
ane ni wa, hontou ni atama ga agarimasen.
I owe my sister so much, I can never argue with her.
姉には、本当に頭が上がりません。
Written 頭が上がらない · あたまがあがらないHeard 9× in 3.17 million lines of film and TV subtitlesMain list -nai (Stage 1), n da yo (Stage 3), honto ni (Stage 1)
shiri ni shikareru
polite shiri ni shikaremasu
“be laid under (someone's) bottom like a cushion”
be bossed around by your wife
In English: be henpecked
Light teasing about a husband or boyfriend, almost always in the -teru form: okusan no shiri ni shikareteru. Rarely a real insult.
kare, kanzen ni okusan no shiri ni shikareteru yo ne.
He's totally under his wife's thumb.
彼、完全に奥さんの尻に敷かれてるよね。
kare, kanzen ni okusan no shiri ni shikaretemasu yo ne.
He's totally under his wife's thumb.
彼、完全に奥さんの尻に敷かれてますよね。
Written 尻に敷かれる · しりにしかれるHeard 9× in 3.17 million lines of film and TV subtitlesLearn alongside yori o modosu, kenka suru hodo naka ga iiMain list -areru / -rareru (Stage 2), -teru (Stage 1)