Close and distant
Idioms, Stage 3chunk 20 of 22Getting on with people
Who is inside your circle and how far you let them in.
- kokoro o hirakuopen up (to someone)literally “open one's heart”
- kyori o okukeep your distance, take time apartliterally “put distance”
- aka no tanina complete strangerliterally “a red other-person”
- kaya no sotoleft out of the loopliterally “outside the mosquito net”
- tanin gyougitoo formal, distant (with someone close)literally “manners for strangers”
- yoso wa yoso, uchi wa uchiother families do as they like; we do it our wayliterally “elsewhere is elsewhere, home is home”
Mix-ups aka no tanin (a complete stranger) vs tanin gyougi (too formal with someone close) share tanin; kokoro o hiraku (open up) is the opposite of kyori o oku (keep your distance).
kokoro o hiraku
polite kokoro o hirakimasu
“open one's heart”
open up (to someone)
In English: open your heart
About a shy child, a new colleague, a rescued pet or a guarded partner finally trusting you: yatto kokoro o hiraite kureta, or nakanaka kokoro o hirakanai. kyori o oku is the opposite move.
Close: kokoro o yurusu / ki o yurusu (trust someone, let your guard down).
ano ko, yatto kokoro hiraite kureta.
She's finally opened up to me.
あの子、やっと心開いてくれた。
ano ko, yatto kokoro o hiraite kureta n desu.
She's finally opened up to me.
あの子、やっと心を開いてくれたんです。
Written 心を開く · こころをひらくHeard 113× in 3.17 million lines of film and TV subtitlesLearn alongside kyori o oku, tanin gyougiMain list yatto (Stage 1), -te kureru (Stage 2)
kyori o oku
polite kyori o okimasu
“put distance”
keep your distance, take time apart
Relationship talk: shibaraku kyori o okitai (I want some time apart), or stepping back from a draining friend or group. Softer than wakareru: it's a break, not a breakup.
shibaraku kyori oita hou ga ii yo.
You two should take some time apart.
しばらく距離置いたほうがいいよ。
shibaraku kyori o oita hou ga ii desu yo.
You'd be better off taking some time apart.
しばらく距離を置いたほうがいいですよ。
Written 距離を置く · きょりをおくHeard 100× in 3.17 million lines of film and TV subtitlesLearn alongside kokoro o hiraku, tanin gyougiMain list shibaraku (Stage 3), -tai (Stage 2), -ta hou ga ii (Stage 4)
aka no tanin
“a red other-person”
a complete stranger
In English: a perfect stranger
Stresses there's no connection at all, often bitterly: after a breakup, mou aka no tanin. Aka here means 'complete', not the colour.
Plain alternative: tanin (outsider, someone not family).
wakaretara, mou aka no tanin da yo.
Once you break up, you're total strangers.
別れたら、もう赤の他人だよ。
wakaretara, mou aka no tanin desu yo.
Once you break up, you're total strangers.
別れたら、もう赤の他人ですよ。
Written 赤の他人 · あかのたにんHeard 40× in 3.17 million lines of film and TV subtitlesLearn alongside kaya no soto, yoso wa yoso, uchi wa uchiMain list -tara (Stage 2), mou (Stage 1)
kaya no soto
polite kaya no soto desu
“outside the mosquito net”
left out of the loop
In English: out of the loop
A complaint about being the last to know or shut out of a decision: nande ore dake kaya no soto na no? Heard at work, among friends and in families, often as kaya no soto ni sareta (got shut out).
nande ore dake kaya no soto na no?
Why am I the only one left out?
なんで俺だけ蚊帳の外なの？
watashi dake kaya no soto datta n desu ne.
So I was the only one left out of the loop.
私だけ蚊帳の外だったんですね。
Written 蚊帳の外 · かやのそとHeard 14× in 3.17 million lines of film and TV subtitlesLearn alongside aka no tanin, yoso wa yoso, uchi wa uchiMain list nande (Stage 1), dake (Stage 2), no? (Stage 1)
tanin gyougi
polite tanin gyougi desu
“manners for strangers”
too formal, distant (with someone close)
Said to a friend, partner or relative who's being too polite or reserved with you: tanin gyougi da na (why so formal?). Often about keigo, over-thanking or refusing help; aka no tanin is an actual stranger.
Close: mizukusai na (why didn't you just ask me? / don't be a stranger), said when a friend keeps things to themselves.
keigo nante yamete yo. tanin gyougi ja n.
Drop the keigo. You're being so formal with me.
敬語なんてやめてよ。他人行儀じゃん。
sonna tanin gyougi na koto iwanaide kudasai yo.
Don't be so formal with me.
そんな他人行儀なこと言わないでくださいよ。
Written 他人行儀 · たにんぎょうぎHeard 6× in 3.17 million lines of film and TV subtitlesLearn alongside kokoro o hiraku, kyori o okuMain list yameru (Stage 4), -te (Stage 2), jan (Stage 3)
yoso wa yoso, uchi wa uchi
“elsewhere is elsewhere, home is home”
other families do as they like; we do it our way
Every parent's reply to 'but everyone else has one / is allowed': yoso wa yoso, uchi wa uchi. Also more widely, that other people's choices aren't yours to copy.
Also said the other way round: uchi wa uchi, yoso wa yoso.
minna motteru tte? yoso wa yoso, uchi wa uchi desho.
Everyone has one? Other families can do what they like; this is our house.
みんな持ってるって？よそはよそ、うちはうちでしょ。
yoso wa yoso, uchi wa uchi desu kara.
Other places do things their way; we do ours.
よそはよそ、うちはうちですから。
Written よそはよそ、うちはうちHeard too rare in film subtitles to countLearn alongside aka no tanin, kaya no sotoMain list minna (Stage 1), motsu (Stage 1), -teru (Stage 1), -tte (Stage 2), uchi (Stage 1), desho? (Stage 3)