Worries and advice
Collocations, Stage 4chunk 19 of 25People & talk
Talking a problem through: having something on your mind, asking for advice, hearing someone out, and saying what you really think.
- nayami ga aruhave something on your mind
- soudan ga aruwant to ask your advice
- soudan ni norugive advice, hear someone out
- honne o iusay what you really think
Mix-ups soudan ga aru (can I ask your advice?) is the side with the problem and soudan ni noru (I'll hear you out) is the friend's side; neither uses adobaisu. honne o iu is saying what you really feel, where shoujiki ni iu is just being frank.
nayami ga aru
polite nayami ga arimasuhave something on your mind
悩みがある なやみがある 悩みがあります
verbaru あるthere is; have (things, problems, something to bring up)typical 28% of nayami
Mostly heard as the caring question nanka nayami aru no? (is something bothering you?) or the offer nayami ga aru nara kiku yo (if something's on your mind, I'll listen). nayamigoto means the same, and koi no nayami is love trouble.
nanka nayami aru no?
Is something bothering you?
なんか悩みあるの？
nanika nayami demo aru n desu ka?
Is something on your mind?
何か悩みでもあるんですか？
The verb nayamu means to agonise or be torn: dotchi ni suru ka nayanderu (I can't decide which). shinpai is worrying about what might happen; nayami is a problem you keep turning over. nayami o motsu and nayami o kakaeru (be carrying worries) say the same in a more written style.
Same verb: mondai (a problem), shinpaigoto (a worry), konpurekkusu (a hang-up)Main list: aru (Stage 1), motsu (Stage 1), shinpai (Stage 4), no? (Stage 1)
soudan ga aru
polite soudan ga arimasuwant to ask your advice
相談がある そうだんがある 相談があります
verbaru あるthere is; have (things, plans, something to bring up)typical 3% of soudan
trap soudan sounds like a formal 'consultation', but it's the everyday word for running something by a friend. 'Can I ask your advice?' is chotto soudan ga aru n da kedo; adobaisu kudasai sounds abrupt.
Opens a talk about something you need help deciding, and usually trails off: chotto soudan ga aru n da kedo... ga is usually kept, as with hanashi ga aru and onegai ga aru, though soudan aru n da kedo is heard too.
chotto soudan ga aru n da kedo, ii?
Can I ask your advice about something?
ちょっと相談があるんだけど、いい？
chotto soudan ga aru n desu kedo, ii desu ka?
Could I ask your advice about something?
ちょっと相談があるんですけど、いいですか？
The listener answers un, nani? or ii yo, soudan noru yo (sure, I'm listening).
Same verb: hanashi (something to talk about), onegai (a favour), shitsumon (a question)Learn alongside: soudan ni noruMain list: aru (Stage 1), n da kedo (Stage 1), chotto ii? (Stage 3)
soudan ni noru
polite soudan ni norimasugive advice, hear someone out
相談に乗る そうだんにのる 相談に乗ります
verbnoru 乗るride, get on; here, get on board with someone's problemtypical 9% of soudan
trap English 'give advice' leads to adobaisu suru, which is fine for passing on tips. Offering to hear someone out and help them think it through is soudan ni noru, and asking for that is soudan suru.
Said by the one giving support, as an offer (nanka attara soudan ni noru yo) or a request (chotto soudan notte kurenai? = can I run something by you?). It means listening and helping think it through, not just telling someone what to do.
itsudemo soudan ni noru yo.
I'm always here if you need to talk.
いつでも相談に乗るよ。
itsudemo soudan ni norimasu yo.
I'm happy to help anytime.
いつでも相談に乗りますよ。
The asker opens with soudan ga aru n da kedo, or says senpai ni soudan shita (I went to my senpai for advice). noru also means go along with: sono hanashi noru (I'm in), sasoi ni noru (take someone up on an offer).
Learn alongside: soudan ga aruMain list: itsudemo (Stage 4), -te kurenai? (Stage 2), kiku (Stage 2)
honne o iu
polite honne o iimasusay what you really think
本音を言う ほんねをいう 本音を言います
verbiu 言うsaytypical 42% of honne
Two everyday uses: honne o iu to... opens a frank admission (to be honest...), and honne itte yo asks someone to drop the politeness and tell you straight. honne is the real feeling behind tatemae, the polite surface.
honne o iu to, chotto iya da na.
To be honest, I'm not too keen.
本音を言うと、ちょっと嫌だな。
honne o iu to, chotto iya na n desu.
To be honest, I'd rather not.
本音を言うと、ちょっと嫌なんです。
honne to tatemae (real feelings vs the polite front) is a pair every Japanese person knows; shoujiki ni iu to also means 'to be honest'.
Same verb: hontou no koto (the truth), iken (opinion)Learn alongside: monku o iu, guchi o iu, orei o iuMain list: iu (Stage 2), shoujiki (Stage 4), jitsu wa (Stage 4), iya (Stage 2)